Plot twist

When life turns on a sixpence you get dizzy

The

it is true when they say life can turn on a sixpence . If you’d asked me three weeks ago how my life was I just said oh okay, I’m not the worst… I have children, I have somewhere to live, I have a partner, a life, a reason for being. Scroll forward …ask me the same question, get a different answer. Thankfully all my important others are still with us on this planet, for that I am grateful. However, my arrangements re how I live have changed completely and I no longer have my significant other with me. That’s right, I am now a woman who Is destined to have two ex-husbands… I feel like a character from a bad chick lit novel. I would go into the detail but it’s very fresh and raw - suffice to say my home is my castle and I have raised up the drawbridge.

I’m faced with a life now of dealing with myself by myself, of freedom to navigate my way through life that I never thought I’d have, of responsibility for my children although I always had that anyway and wanted it. Everything has changed. Everything is different.

I’m writing this sitting in bed, looking at a different view because I have changed my bedroom. Looking at a different type of day because I am so tired but I have to get up and carry on because I have people relying on me. A day of emptiness as well because the person I love has turned out not to be the person that I thought they were and it hurts. Although I’ve said to everybody that I’m Okay, there are lots of times where I’m not okay and this is one of those not okay times. Nothing is black-and-white. Nothing is set but at the same time everything is so defined and easy to make decisions about. I will not live in fear and I will not live as if my personality has been folded up and Squashed into a box that fits with What everybody else wants.

I know and have to embrace my differences and the way I approach life and its opportunities and tribulations. When I do that I am magnificent. When I don’t I am sad and a shell. And shells are for the beach. My eyes are closing. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep and I need to carry on for today and tomorrow. I have responsibilities. I have promises I have made when all I want to do is just lie down and go to sleep.

I’m happiest when I’m with the people I love. Their sunshine falls on me and warms me and it keeps me going, gives me energy Transference. Without anybody I go cold and damp and small and that’s where I am right now. So, I’m showing you another side of me I don’t often show.. It’s not pretty. It’s not even well crafted but it is real and this is what my life is like at the moment. I will I suppose climb out of this pit but it’s going to be hard work. I will get there eventually. see the Sun on the horizon again. And hopefully soon.